In dreams

This looks like a story but it’s not. Not the story you’d like to read, that’s for sure.

I was wearing some black flats on my way to the park and sweating like a fashion demon.

The temperature was too high for my layering frenzy, the socks were so tight and the hat was begging me to take it off. Everybody was staring and it somehow hurt.

We didn’t have anything in mind. He didn’t want the photographs to be staged. I respected that. So we basically started talking about why and what he is trying to do, of how it interacts with what I am trying to do.

We would look at the pictures already taken and he would notice how the camera shows parts of myself which may lead people into thinking I’m in a certain way. I don’t think I mind it that much.

Then I had to confess…I want people to see the insecurity, the constant gulping and all the rituals and my fear of shallowness. It’s not easy and I feel weak and numb and horrified when I sometimes peak and see the world of perfectfabricsperfectgirlsperfectpouts, but then I want to kneel , but then I just want to stare to wear to care.  I want everybody to see right through me. I’ve stopped hiding behind my clothes for some time now. I want everybody to look and smile, I want them to shine like the sun reflecting on my skin and skirt and then…the  dreadful afternoon, sitting on cold floors and not recognizing your own hands  or the way your nails are always growing. I want people to see the pure terror that sometimes paralyzes me, the Frank Booth in each of us, the Frank Booth standing at each corner of our lives, waiting  to be denied so he can burst into them with unfiltered rage.

And then I want them to look the other way, but still knowing Frank Booth is underneath it all and see all the robins flying up in the sky.

They’re be always eating bugs, that’s for sure.

—Sandy: I had a dream. In the dream, there was our world and the world was dark because there weren’t any robins, and the robins represented love. And for the longest time, there was just this darkness. And all of a sudden, thousands of robins were set free, and they flew down and brought this Blinding Light of Love. And it seemed like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. And it did. So I guess it means there is trouble ’til the robins come.

—Jeffrey: You’re a neat girl.

[…]

—Sandy: Look. (She points toward the robin, as Jeffrey joins Aunt Barbara and Sandy.)

—Jeffrey: Yeah, I saw him outside. (smiling to Sandy) Maybe the robins are here.

—Aunt Barbara: I don’t see how they could do that. I could never eat a bug. (Ironically, she places a piece of beef into her mouth)

—Sandy (looking at Jeffrey and smiling): It’s a strange world, isn’t it? (Jeffrey nods in agreement.)

‘’The little robin (symbol of love and harmony here) eats a disgusting bug (a symbol of evil at the beginning of the film). No matter on which level of reality it is, what Sandy might have learnt about the world is that beauty and ugliness do not necessarily exclude each other.’’

Quotes from Blue Velvet and observations about the movie here

PICTURES MADE BY PAUL LUPASCU

always inspired by David Lynch

the dress is a wonderful gift from Matilda

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6 Comments Add yours

    1. The heels are a bit too high for walking, I knew it from the moment I tried them on. But I am also fascinated and in love! 🙂 -nustiudeceamscrisinengleza, dar inca ma dor gleznele de la ei.

  1. Dariana says:

    great photos, great outfit, great writing, great movie! 😀

    1. oh, thank you so so much! >:d<

  2. Anaivilo says:

    The photos are brilliant! I love the layering even though yes it is a crazy heat out there, but the whole look is very appealing to me! 😀

    1. Thaaaaaank you very much! It was worth it after all to fight against the horrible heat! 🙂

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