The attention just encourages her

I am the –

I’ve learned dysfunctionality from Amanda Palmer.
I’m not sure it was running through my veins before our encounter.
I was  giving up pink cotton T-shirts and washed out jeans when she came yelling and showing off her long wide teeth, stained with some red lipstick from the night before. It was summer and I was waiting for a boy, we always wait for boys at the corners of our lives, and sleeping with the telephone next to my bed. His call would wake me up and I would listen to Amanda. Then somehow everything fell apart and I would trade love songs for bitter refrains. I liked Amanda from the start because her music would always tell a side story about worst case scenarios, like always keeping a suitcase half ready beneath all the beds you happen to sleep in.

I’ve learned dysfunctionality  from the best.
There were so many people all around me, dancing and screaming and laughing and drinking and showing off their scars and crying their hearts out. There were other people watching them with contempt sparkling in their opaque eyes, like veils of prejudice and lack of understanding. They still stand now watching silently, they haven’t learnt to talk yet, they drink only on special ocasions and start to quietly sob, thinking of all the madness they’ve missed.

Dysfunctionality is only temporary, one should bear this in mind.
Dysfunctionality is never a destination but an honest starting point which helps you build yourself.
Dysfunctionality is when Amanda starts writing a song, with a horrible hangover , her make-up running all over her face. You have to stick with her, then you have to watch her sit at the piano and start turning everything into gold.

There were days when I wanted to paint my face white, there were so many days when I used to wear black and white striped knee-socks. There were days I didn’t want to live inside myself anymore, there were days when I wanted to live inside her songs but she would always kick me out. She would sing and I would know I’ve got to get out and get back inside myself where there’s all that gold and sweat and love and madness waiting to be explored.

pictures by dad

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