I never said it would ever be enough. I never said I weren’t sometimes sorry, but not today, not anymore. I never said I wouldn’t dance if the music were clear enough to make me mad, if my hands were cold, my eyes blurry, my breath, my heart racing to a destination that furthers itself as the night turns into light and the light turns into day and the blood turns red, completely irreversibly red. My back bruises, my glitter spreads istelf on floors, on people, on chairs and beds and faces – leaving a trail, trap, take everything in, take everybody deep inside myself, lock the doors, pull the curtains, tell them not to whisper a single word and just watch. Watch how my insides are always revealing a bigger, brigther outside. Someone told me I could never get lost with a dress like this – I should just follow the fallen glitter off my skin, like the skin that falls off my body, like those pieces of my soul violently, inevitably left behind. I never go back, I never even turn my head, not even for a second. It is always now, now, now – who’s standing right in front of me? I take the first step forward, the glitter never ends, not like this cheap dress that is slowly running out of time, running out of shine. Next time all the glitter may be gone, but not my glitter. I do not carry my glitter in a bag and spread it over your bodies, I do not carry my feelings in an emotional bag. We do not carry our feelings in emotional bags, waiting for them to end, waiting for it to reach the bottom. There is no end to my feelings, there is no end to the people that will eventually create more and more, like never before. I am filled with feelings that shine, day or night, light or darkness, I am filled with feelings I have never heard of before, I am filled with feelings I have never named, I am filled with feelings that gave me a name. My name is I-shall-always-forget, my name is I-am-not-going-down-yet. My name is carved on walls and stone, my name pierces through bones, my name is I-shall-never-be-alone.
dress from MiniPRIX
photos by Dorin Moldoveanu