I am slowly turning into a bitter lady just because nobody loves me anymore. Sometimes not even glitter can cheer me up. Lately, all my nights have been slow, slowly turning into someone who cannot be grateful for anything. I feel like I am walking around with this giant cloud above my head, it almost always rains and when it stops it’s windy and dark. I feel like I am walking with this giant weight all over my body, a weight I willingly pick up from the ground just to show that I am still brave, that I was always brave. Running out of people to save, I find it strange to consider saving myself for a change. When I’m not engaged in a love-saving mission I’m reminded of how I’m mostly a cynical hater – I hate crowds and people with their bodies coming closer to me, people with their faces and their problems and their words and their smiles and their relationships and their mirrors turned away from me. We’re back to the old reflection issue – just lend me your mirrors and I’ll be yours at least for a while – turn away your mirrors whenever I pass by, just to be safe – and the only thing you’ll get is my eternal scorn. ‘’ The fine mind behind your face’’, I haven’t got the time to think about that yet. I attach myself to an image – the teenage-looking boy with flesh tunnels and tattoos – I take a good look and tell myself he could be the one. Nobody is ever going to be the one, they all turn out to be someone you used to sleep with, you used to laugh with, you used to cry with or just used to hang with. Put yourself back in the game, it turns out to be a game after all, at least until you don’t feel like playing anymore.
wearing one of my favorite T-shirts from The Dear Hunters
pictures taken by Matilda Marin
Listen to Metric – On a Slow Night