Chinatown Transcendence / 2 Years of The Daily Tutli-Putli

Pictures by John A. Stevens

I’m not sure when or where it all started anymore. Maybe tonight is not as much about celebrating anything, but about acknowledging death. I have forgotten how to live. I am still surrounded by clothes. There’s this death that’s constantly promising a future not worth remembering. I wish I were prettier, smarter and stronger. I wish I were extraordinary, passionate. I wish I were a mother or a wife. I wish I had a definite role to play in my own life. I wish it would not end with death and beer, each and every night. I miss wine, vodka and smoking inside. I wish Romania were living in New York. I wish Romania were living and breathing next to my skin, tucked inside my chest: my many naked, crooked chests. I wish my friends still loved me in a manner I have never loved them back. I wish my ex-lovers remembered me as the most beautiful and intriguing being in the world. I w…

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?


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